They will tell you they understand and see the need, BUT walk away and talk themselves into continuing their pathway of sameness. Each time the issue is readdressed, they will repeat the same comments they shared the last time, BUT continue their journey of sameness.
Then, when the day arrives, and it will, where the needed change is not an option, they will continue to resist as they drag themselves through the process.
Most have heard me say in one venue or another, “Most people want to improve as long as they don’t have to change anything.” The thought is true; people want their life to improve, but are resistant to just stepping up to the plate and implementing the needed action. The desire is there, but the fear of what the change might do to their life is larger.
Why? One would think that intelligent people who know what they need to do would simply see the need for the change, accept it and move forward. Here are five reasons I think they resist the Change they know they need.
First, Change will challenge you. As much as people know they need to face change and implement it, they stay locked in a routine they have established for self. It is amazing how routine becomes a roadblock to improvement. One can know they are not in the right place, keep talking about the wish to get out and then race back into their routine each time change stands in front of them. When the fear is stronger than the desire, routine seems to be a safe place; reality is – it is not; it is a prison.
Second, Change will ask you to adapt. Again, if fear is in control of one’s life, the surroundings they have created look safe. Those who share that space will always fight to keep the other person from leaving. The challenge is they are just as lost and dealing with the same issues. It is only natural they will fight to keep the person there. Change is the enemy to sameness. Change will look routine in the face and challenge its control. That makes change an enemy to those who live with fear stronger than desire.
Third, Change will notice one’s behavior. Remember my three little words? Behavior Never Lies! When change becomes a part of one’s life, it won’t let them lie to self. It listens to the words that are spoken and then addresses the behaviors that are put in place. When a contradiction is discovered, it will address the conflict between what is said and what is done. That makes change a very uncomfortable emotion to face.
Fourth, Change will grab one emotionally. This is such a huge part of the struggle. Change is an emotion and the stronger the fear of change the bigger the battle to implement change and improve one’s life. There is no improvement with change. Change is the front door that has to be opened in order to create improvement. When one resists change, they shut down improvement. The war will involve all the emotions fear can throw at the person. It can become fierce and emotionally overwhelming. What has to be remembered is this war is being fought for control of one’s life. That must not be forgotten; it is not just an emotion one is wrestling with; it is the total design of a person’s life.
Last, Change will create endings. An ending involves facing what is, redesigning what has been and being willing to step forward EVEN if the pathway is not totally clear. That takes a lot of internal strength; that takes a lot of personal trust; that takes changing the question from “what if” to “what can.” The difference is one’s imagination being in control rather than their emotions.
As I look around today, I see so many people living in uncertainty. It is as if they are paralyzed. The challenge they are wrestling with is their comfortable routine vs. what they need to be doing to improve their life. They have become so use to the routine that any thought that challenges it sends a shock wave through them. They don’t seem to realize they have to face it. If they wait until there is no option, they lessen the options and create even greater fear and uncertainty. If they are willing to face what is happening, their imagination will show them a pathway of options and that they have choices. Take the choices away by resisting change and the result is the loss of choices.
So, how does one face change and stop running back to the unsafe routine? Here are five suggestions.
First, challenge the routine. Put it to the question. Is this feeding my confusion or strengthening my clarity? The honest answer will show you the pathway you need to take.
Second, allow your imagination to be part of the decision-making. Most of the time one’s emotions are really designed for sameness. Because most live from the negative to the positive, their filtering system sends everything through a negative path. Again, the result is the desire to improve being beaten down by the fear of “what if.” One’s imagination is the pathway to improvement. When “what can” becomes the director, the possibilities are seen.
Third, notice the good that the change will bring to your life. Stop only seeing what might happen; place the emphasis on what good can come from this decision. There is good in everything. Change is given a life to help them see beyond their moment of emotional freeze.
Fourth, get perfectly clear on what you REALLY want for your life. Stop playing the game of uncertainty, challenge the fear that is holding you back, and turn loose of those who want you to stay the same. Stand tall within yourself and seek the clarity and resist the confusion.
Last, exit! Take a deep breath and step forward. Yes, there will be fear; yes, there will be uncertainty, BUT staying where you are is a trap designed to steal life, not bring life. This is a war! This is your life and future at stake. Win the battle by taking control of your life; feed your desire to improve and repel the feeling that it is safe to stay where you are.
Hey, are you ready for change? |
