Sarah is much like Tim; she is driven, smart, controlled and disciplined to the crusade she is on in her life. Since the time that I met her at a conference, I have had several emails from her just asking me directional questions. Then one day an email arrived that I had to read twice to make sure I was hearing what she was saying.
“Richard, I need your help. I feel like I am stuck in neutral and can’t get out. I haven’t been here in years. I don’t know what has happened. I don’t feel bad physically, but mentally I just can’t kick in to gear. What is happening to me?”
These conversations are not unique; I hear this same story over and over again from all levels of people from all walks of life. The reality is these are not people who aren’t doing anything or don’t have a plan they are striving to achieve; these are people who desire to grow; who are committed to doing what it takes; who are grounded and seeking to strengthen their foundation. YET, at some point they get stuck!
Have you ever been here? Have you ever been to a point in your life where you just felt out of sync? I mean, it wasn’t that you were lazy; it wasn’t you just didn’t want to do anything. You had the desire; you wanted to move forward, BUT something inside you snapped and you just couldn’t get out of neutral?
What’s is happening? The reality is your life did shift gears without your permission. Inside of you a switch flipped without warning and you found yourself racing in neutral. You were stuck!
What does that mean? To me, being stuck is one standing at an intersection in their life without any clear direction as to which way to turn.
When you are a defined person who is used to being able to figure things out, create a plan and move forward, this becomes a challenging time. It takes a life and creates a sense of uncertainty, which results in a moment of fear they are not used to.
Let me see if I can help here. Here are two questions for us to ponder. First, what creates this point of uncertainty, and second, when you are here, how do you get beyond it?
First, what creates this feeling of being stuck? It begins with a person straying away from the basics. Many times one does something for so long that it just becomes second nature and without realizing it, you stop thinking and just slip into routine. Once something becomes a routine, you stop checking to make sure it is a part of your daily checklist.
Thinking is overridden by reacting. Many of you have heard me say, “Most people don’t think; they think they think.” Moving forward in your life demands the ability to think. When you stop thinking, you open yourself to reacting emotionally. When your emotions are stronger than your mind’s understanding, you won’t be able to see beyond the issue that you are standing in the middle of.
What creates this point of uncertainty? One is unwilling to adapt in a timely fashion. Becoming comfortable with “what is” can create a trap; you can know you need to adapt, but because you are comfortable, even though you are uncomfortable in the way it has been, you fight what you know. The result is you being stuck.
What creates this point of uncertainty? Clarity gives way to confusion. If you go back and look at the first three, isn’t this the natural progression? You stray from the path, start reacting to the new journey and because of fear find yourself unwilling to adapt without a fight. Don’t ever forget that confusion is your #1 enemy; it comes, implants itself in your life, steals and holds you a hostage.
What makes a person feel stuck? You keep staring at what is not, rather than standing and focusing on what you need to get back to doing. Just because you make a wrong turn doesn’t mean you have to continue on that path. You must face what is! It is not about, “What have I done?” It is about “What can I do to get back in sync?”
First, to get back in sync you must stabilize your focus. This is key! As long as you are scattered, you won’t be able to see what you are not doing. Remember, being stuck is largely about not doing what needs to be done. Stop! Re-establish your focus. Ask the question, “What should I be doing that I am not?”
Next, to get back in sync you must tackle your behavior head on. Once you have discovered what it is you are not doing, you must address it immediately. It is no good to know what the needed behavior is IF you don’t tackle it as soon as you have discovered it.
Third, to get back in sync you must unravel the emotions you have collected. You can’t stay stuck without personal permission. People know what they are doing and what they are not doing. To remain where you don’t belong you have to emotionally make it okay. To get back to center, face the emotions you have connected to the event and let them go.
Next, to get back in sync you must confront any outside force that is associated with the behavior. Look around you; are there those who have supported the behavior that has got you out of sync. There behavior must no longer be acceptable and they must know that.
Finally, to get you back in sync keep clarity at the center of all you do. This takes us back to THAT question – Will this feed my confusion or strengthen my clarity? If the answer points to confusion, don’t repeat that behavior. Remember, the battle between confusion and clarity is the war between the Old You wanting your emotions to make the decisions and the New You wanting your imagination to be in charge. Each day the Old You wins, you will be stuck! |
